Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize