Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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