Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
