Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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