It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
