I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
