I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
