There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
