There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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