i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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