Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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