let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
