I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
