I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
