the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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