Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
