As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
