Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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