You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize
