Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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