Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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