Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
