apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
