I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
