Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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