Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
