If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
