Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
