Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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