Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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