she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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