and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you had me at cake vodka
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
