I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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