He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
