Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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