At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
