KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
