4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
