physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
