If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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