no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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