i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
