Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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