Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
