I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
