At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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