And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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