It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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