i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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