Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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