you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Too much gin, very little bucket
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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