the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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