i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
