So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
