i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize