all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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