How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
