Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
