I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pants are for mortals
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
