Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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