It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
