i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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