For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
