I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
