no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize